Drinking...

I think I've been drinking too often & too much for the past 1 week. My knee is aching, I'm feeling kind of little down. Is time to stop & take a break from alcohol till maybe next week.

Sometimes is not about drinking, I just want to have some companionship.

My niece is not looking forward to her b/d, I wonder why? Than I remember last year she celebrated at Good Cheer, her 18, I was still with S. My cousin was not feeling good that night. This year, S is not around anymore, so I guess I'm not feeling good but my cousin is happy now. Who knows, maybe next year, we both are happy hahaha...

Is weekend, is time for me to stay sober, so I can drive those drunk home & charge them(plus midnight 50% is the best).

I'm not going to let anybody to have the chance to bad mouth me anymore nor take advantage of my weakness to act tough. I admit & agreed that what I've done was a mistake. Because of anger, pride, ego, I have lost my mind. Because I love her, I'm afraid to lose her. Because she's so important to me, that I value her more than my own life. Eventually I made all the mistake while trying to keep her by my side. Come to think about it I was really acting very immature at that time. But when I'm with friends, when they are in trouble, whether it involve me or not, I will never lost control. So the conclusion is I'm a better friend than a partner.

Now I still have my ego & pride but not anger anymore. Because of the ego & pride, I am who I am now. The force is keeping me cool & calm because I keep reminding myself, don't disgrace myself again. Don't give others the chance to criticize you again. Never let people look down on you because you are so weak. No ways I'll give you the opportunity to take advantage of me or situation if I, when I make a mistake. Wait long, long.

Ego & pride is a good thing. But never plus anger. Worst if you mix it with alcohol. Anger + alcohol = Total destruction.

I make mistake before doesn't mean I'll continue the mistake for the rest of my life. But I can't guarantee that I'll not make mistake again. We are just human being, we are not perfect, we can't be perfect. But I know, I can guarantee I'll not repeat the same mistake again.

Whoever you are, whatever role you play(friend or "friend") during the time when I make a mistake, when I was weak. Thank you. I am who I am now because of you. I just need time, & I can, I'll definitely be a better person, having a better life.