自己觉得的幸福不是幸福，让幸福的人幸福才是幸福。
真正的幸福是带给人幸福。
让喜欢的人满足，就是幸福。
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Fond Memory Of Julian (11/08/1980 - 06/11/2008)
I attended his memorial service yesterday night. At Chen-Li Presbyterian Church 8pm.
I knew him only a year ago thru this friend of mine Charlene in Shanghai. Still remember it was July 2007. We went dinner & clubing. I always remember he's such a friendly, cute & funny fellow. With him around there's always jokes & laughters. I'll never forget at this club in Shanghai "Pink House". I saw him wearing a wig, he was talking to us thru this beads curtain, than he suddenly said: Hey do I look glam? We saw him putting his head between those beads curtain pretend that is his dress up decor or accessories. We were laughing. He told us he'll be moving to HK soon. He gave me his Hp happily & said to meet up when he's back S'pore or when I'm in HK.
Whenever I meet up with Charlene I'll never failed to ask her about Julian. The last time when I went Shanghai in May 2008, Charlene told me he was in HK. Than when Charlene came back S'pore in Sept 2008, I asked her about Julian again. I got bad news that she heard from friends that Julian is sick, very sick, lost a lot of weights & he refused to see any of the friends. We were still talking about trying to find out more info about him.
Than yesterday Charlene sms me to check the english papers. Julian had passed away. My mind went blank. After searching thru the papers & finally saw the obituries, with thousands & millions of unwillingness, I've got to accept the fact & reply my friends to confirm the news. I believe is even harder for them to accept it compare to me. They have known each other longer & closer to each other.
The memorial service at this church: Chen-Li Presbyterian Church. My Mind went blank again. Chen-Li, why Chen-Li. Don't tell me he's from Chen-Li. Likely he is & his family as well. I tried hard to run thru my memories when I was a fellow in Chen-Li. I don't remember him. Maybe he's in the english service while I'm the chinese. Maybe he came in after I left. Maybe I do see him or know him but just don't remember, can't recall or no impression...
I have spent my youth in this church. I have lots of happy time there, as well as hurt. I left the church somewhere in yr 1990. Julian was only 10. Too young for me to know him. If I had stayed longer, maybe things will be totally different now. I maybe weeping over the lost of him by now.
Ok I'm attending the memorial service. Will I see any people I know? Or I'll sit quietly & alone in a corner cos I know nobody? I'm in no mood to work for the day. Julian keeps coming to my mind. The funny face, the jokes, the dinner, the club... To a certain extend, is affecting me & my mood.
Was just in time for the memorial service. It was crowded with lots of people. The hall is already totally filled up. People are still coming in. I had to stand near the entrance, beside the staircase throughout the service. Among them, I knew most of them. Thru them, my friends in church, I knew more about him. He's the Sunday school student of my friends. They have practically watched him grow from young. I can see the sadness on their face. Than I found out more about him & his family. I knew his aunt, a senior in the church when I was there. All my church friends knew him & his family cos they are close church fellows.
They are very surprise to see me. To them I'm not suppose to know him since I left so early. But fate had brought us to know each other thru friends, in different time, different place & his death had brought me back to the this place= Chen-Li.
I told my friends, we should start to meet up more often. Not necessary any occassion. Today becos the lost of him, we get to see each other again. If I can choose, I'd rather not had this chance at all to meet up with all of you.
S knew him as well. We knew him together in Shanghai. If not for S, I won't be in Shanghai, than I won't know him. S- I thank you for have given me the chance to know Julian. Is a short encounter, but deep enough to remember him dearly.
When I knew about his passed on, immediately I think of S. Was wondering to inform her or not? Than how to get hold of her? I must careful not to frighten her again. I knew how to get hold of her, but should I? No, I decided to call ET & thru her pass the msg to S. As friend of Julian, she need & deserve to know the news. Whether to attend his memorial service, is up to her to decide. I have done my part. I'm glad I did not frighten or stir up much fear when I called ET. But sorry to let her felt uneasy after knowing the bad news.
I felt like drinking. So after the service, I meet up with E to have a quick drink. I'm upset, I'm sad. I felt worst after the service. Especially when they are showing footage of his life. I went out to take a walk. Around the premises, trying to recall those days when we are in this church. Saw another friend outside waiting for the parents. He too had many memories there.
If not for Julian, I'll never step into this church again & I don't think I'll get to see so many of my friends again. What make me felt so sad & bad is the reason that I'm there. The lost of a friend to me & many others, lost of a son to his parent, lost of a brother to his sister, forever. But thru his diary during his sister sharing, I knew he had found peace within before he passed away. He's with God now & may God bless his family thru this difficult time.
I woke up feeling good, but hit by this bad news thus making it a lousy day ending with me drinking. E, thanks for accompanying me. What you didn't know & see was my tears after I sent you home. So I'm taking a break again today. I really need to adjust back my body clock to a bit normal. Keep having mouth ulcer when I stay up late night.
I knew him only a year ago thru this friend of mine Charlene in Shanghai. Still remember it was July 2007. We went dinner & clubing. I always remember he's such a friendly, cute & funny fellow. With him around there's always jokes & laughters. I'll never forget at this club in Shanghai "Pink House". I saw him wearing a wig, he was talking to us thru this beads curtain, than he suddenly said: Hey do I look glam? We saw him putting his head between those beads curtain pretend that is his dress up decor or accessories. We were laughing. He told us he'll be moving to HK soon. He gave me his Hp happily & said to meet up when he's back S'pore or when I'm in HK.
Whenever I meet up with Charlene I'll never failed to ask her about Julian. The last time when I went Shanghai in May 2008, Charlene told me he was in HK. Than when Charlene came back S'pore in Sept 2008, I asked her about Julian again. I got bad news that she heard from friends that Julian is sick, very sick, lost a lot of weights & he refused to see any of the friends. We were still talking about trying to find out more info about him.
Than yesterday Charlene sms me to check the english papers. Julian had passed away. My mind went blank. After searching thru the papers & finally saw the obituries, with thousands & millions of unwillingness, I've got to accept the fact & reply my friends to confirm the news. I believe is even harder for them to accept it compare to me. They have known each other longer & closer to each other.
The memorial service at this church: Chen-Li Presbyterian Church. My Mind went blank again. Chen-Li, why Chen-Li. Don't tell me he's from Chen-Li. Likely he is & his family as well. I tried hard to run thru my memories when I was a fellow in Chen-Li. I don't remember him. Maybe he's in the english service while I'm the chinese. Maybe he came in after I left. Maybe I do see him or know him but just don't remember, can't recall or no impression...
I have spent my youth in this church. I have lots of happy time there, as well as hurt. I left the church somewhere in yr 1990. Julian was only 10. Too young for me to know him. If I had stayed longer, maybe things will be totally different now. I maybe weeping over the lost of him by now.
Ok I'm attending the memorial service. Will I see any people I know? Or I'll sit quietly & alone in a corner cos I know nobody? I'm in no mood to work for the day. Julian keeps coming to my mind. The funny face, the jokes, the dinner, the club... To a certain extend, is affecting me & my mood.
Was just in time for the memorial service. It was crowded with lots of people. The hall is already totally filled up. People are still coming in. I had to stand near the entrance, beside the staircase throughout the service. Among them, I knew most of them. Thru them, my friends in church, I knew more about him. He's the Sunday school student of my friends. They have practically watched him grow from young. I can see the sadness on their face. Than I found out more about him & his family. I knew his aunt, a senior in the church when I was there. All my church friends knew him & his family cos they are close church fellows.
They are very surprise to see me. To them I'm not suppose to know him since I left so early. But fate had brought us to know each other thru friends, in different time, different place & his death had brought me back to the this place= Chen-Li.
I told my friends, we should start to meet up more often. Not necessary any occassion. Today becos the lost of him, we get to see each other again. If I can choose, I'd rather not had this chance at all to meet up with all of you.
S knew him as well. We knew him together in Shanghai. If not for S, I won't be in Shanghai, than I won't know him. S- I thank you for have given me the chance to know Julian. Is a short encounter, but deep enough to remember him dearly.
When I knew about his passed on, immediately I think of S. Was wondering to inform her or not? Than how to get hold of her? I must careful not to frighten her again. I knew how to get hold of her, but should I? No, I decided to call ET & thru her pass the msg to S. As friend of Julian, she need & deserve to know the news. Whether to attend his memorial service, is up to her to decide. I have done my part. I'm glad I did not frighten or stir up much fear when I called ET. But sorry to let her felt uneasy after knowing the bad news.
I felt like drinking. So after the service, I meet up with E to have a quick drink. I'm upset, I'm sad. I felt worst after the service. Especially when they are showing footage of his life. I went out to take a walk. Around the premises, trying to recall those days when we are in this church. Saw another friend outside waiting for the parents. He too had many memories there.
If not for Julian, I'll never step into this church again & I don't think I'll get to see so many of my friends again. What make me felt so sad & bad is the reason that I'm there. The lost of a friend to me & many others, lost of a son to his parent, lost of a brother to his sister, forever. But thru his diary during his sister sharing, I knew he had found peace within before he passed away. He's with God now & may God bless his family thru this difficult time.
I woke up feeling good, but hit by this bad news thus making it a lousy day ending with me drinking. E, thanks for accompanying me. What you didn't know & see was my tears after I sent you home. So I'm taking a break again today. I really need to adjust back my body clock to a bit normal. Keep having mouth ulcer when I stay up late night.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
So Near
Lady: You go Yew Tee? I want to go Yew Tee, CCK crescent.
L: Sure, ok.(my heart felt a twist)
Throughout the journey I wonder the lady stay which blk. Anyway is very near her place. This is the 1st time I'm going so near her place. I travel the route I sometimes used when we were going back her place in the past.
Before the turn.
L: Which blk you going?
Lady: Blk684D.
As I drove along the way after Yew Tee mrt, somehow I was looking around, hoping to see her walking home. But I know I'm not that lucky. As usual, I will not hang around, I plan after dropping passenger I'll leave straight & go back town for another pickup. Than in the carpark, after the lady got down, this guy flag for me before I can reverse out of the carpark.
Guy: Uncle, I want to go Siglap centre.
L: Ok. (my heart= WOW, hahaha)
My luck was sxxks the whole day till that moment. Afterall I'm still a lucky person.
L: Sure, ok.(my heart felt a twist)
Throughout the journey I wonder the lady stay which blk. Anyway is very near her place. This is the 1st time I'm going so near her place. I travel the route I sometimes used when we were going back her place in the past.
Before the turn.
L: Which blk you going?
Lady: Blk684D.
As I drove along the way after Yew Tee mrt, somehow I was looking around, hoping to see her walking home. But I know I'm not that lucky. As usual, I will not hang around, I plan after dropping passenger I'll leave straight & go back town for another pickup. Than in the carpark, after the lady got down, this guy flag for me before I can reverse out of the carpark.
Guy: Uncle, I want to go Siglap centre.
L: Ok. (my heart= WOW, hahaha)
My luck was sxxks the whole day till that moment. Afterall I'm still a lucky person.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Worried
I'm worried for friend J who is in BKK now. Heard situation there not very stable. J did not give me the detail of her arrival. How am I suppose to go fetch her from airport?
Well I have done up my room. There's so much laundry to be done as well. But I'm glad I've got a nice & cozy place to rest at the end of a tired day. I was sick on the 1st day I shifted home. But am better now.
J- please come back soon. My business was sxxk when you not around. I need your magic sit. Hahahaha...
Well I have done up my room. There's so much laundry to be done as well. But I'm glad I've got a nice & cozy place to rest at the end of a tired day. I was sick on the 1st day I shifted home. But am better now.
J- please come back soon. My business was sxxk when you not around. I need your magic sit. Hahahaha...
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