害怕

L: The things you scared or afraid of, the more you don't want me to do it, the more I'll do it to you.
S: 那我很怕你不会离开我。。。
L: Hah... (喃喃自语）你越怕痒，我越要tickle你，你越怕我不会离开你，我就越不会离开你。。。
结果S的害怕成真。。。

Probability

What's the probability of picking the same passenger as a cab driver?
What's the probability for the passenger taking the same cab by the same driver?

I pick up this guy passenger twice almost the same place, on different time, different day.
Today, I've got a on-call assignment, picking up a lady. She took my cab few days back.

Probability: Quality of being probable(likely to happen or to prove true or correct).

I never believe in waiting in queue at airport. But the msg send to us that T3 in high demand prompt me to try my luck. Surely enough, there wasn't any cab queueing & passenger are in queue. I pick up this Chinese China Nation guy to Scotts Rd. He was from Shanghai. I was there with her before.

Than I pick up 3 lady from PS, they are talking about going to SMC for the buffet dinner tomorrow.

So many things will remind me of her that I wonder is there, will there be anything, any moment that she came across that will remind her of me?

I'm sure she wish I'm fine & I will be happy. I want you to know that I'm fine & I will be happy. At least I can say that I'm enjoying my life now. I can sleep, I can eat, I'm healthy. Yes, I still miss you. Your smile & happiness still matters a lot to me.

I'm Still Feeling Happy

I drop a passenger at Upp Circular Rd than I make a U-turn to SMC to queue cos there's no other cab there. Than I pick up 2 guys(think is her colleague) to Sin Min Rd.

Is been raining for most of the days... Good business for me.

Will be having 2 gathering next month. 1 friends & 1 family. Also my doctor appointment.

YUCKS...

Sxxt, is dog pooooo... I step on it... but think about... 踩到‘黄金’。。。明天要记得买马票。。。嘻嘻嘻。。。

I'm happy today. Happy that I know I still had the friendship with them.

Today is my lucky day. I saw her on MSN. My status set to appear offline. I'm not going to disturb her, frighten her by sending her msg. I just hope she's happy, she's healthy, she's fine.

Told my friend E today, I'm not hoping that she will remember me when she need someone by her side. I hope whenever she need someone, there will be someone by her side, & that someone will be the person she wishes her/him to be by her side.

能健康的活在世界上就是一种享受，一种幸福。所以我从不曾间断的祈求她身体健康，平安，然后快乐。她的笑对我很重要。

The greatest contribution I had given her in her life is- I'm the worst partner she ever had in her life. Which I see it as a good thing now cos I'M THE WORST. Who can be even more worst than me= NOBODY. So I know she will meet a better person, get a better life. If I'm not the worst, I'll be worried that she will meet someone worst.

宝贝，晚安，good night, sweet dream.

知不知道

不知道该不该知道。。。不知道又很想知道。。。知道了。。。很多时候却又希望不知道。。。

I'd be lying if I say I don't miss her, I don't think about the past.

I really pick up a friend as passenger today at Far East Plaza taxi stand.

Birthday Party

Is BT b/d on 24/08.

Than cousin J on 25/08.

Follow by niece S on 12/10.

Finally my on 25/12.

But... I don't know how to face my b/d.

Fire Works Again

Was at BT house for her b/d party. Than from her place we can see the fire work vividly. I wish she's here with me. If she's there watching, I wish I'm there with her. I can only wish for a lot of things now.

What's the probability of picking up the same passenger almost the same location in different time, on 2 consecutively different day? Well, I've done that today. Not pre-arrange, just happen that I drove pass. He was surprise to see me as well. He maybe my regular customer in future. So what's the probability of me meeting her again?

Had a good time catching up with friends at BT place. I should do that more often.

'Ouch'... It Hurts... Is still painful

Was driving on the road near PS when the fire works started around 8plus. I can see it when during a traffic stop. Is beautiful, it bring pain my memories of watching fire works with her.

In the lorry, stopping by the road side of Padang. Sitting at MS staircase oppsite Esplanade. Standing at the road side near the 1 Raffles construction site. Standing at the park in front Padang. In the room of STS. Upstair the temple at Geylang Grandma place. 'Top of the M' at Mandarin Hotel.

I wonder if she's watching it? If she does, we are watching it together under the same sky. And I'm thinking of you...

I continue to drive, I did not try to put you away from my thoughts. I'd rather keep thinking of the happy moment that brings a smile onto my face that brighten my days, than to be reminded of the sadness that you have left. But there was a moment, my heart really feels a twist...

It was the early midnight. I'm tired, not knowing to end my driving day or not. I keep thinking this is the last passenger than I'm going home. But along the way when I saw their hailing hand, I'll just stop. Eventually this lady boarded & going to location near home. Guess the passenger had given me the sign that is time to call it a day.

Dinner at 2am. Sleep at 3am. Wake up at 10am. Likely will start work again at 12pm till is time to attend Betty's b/d party at maybe 7pm. Than continue again after the party... maybe yes? maybe not? Depend...

人生需要的多，还是想要的多？
人往往就是这样，不懂得珍惜身边所有一切，等失去时，才觉得可惜。
做人做事要学会心甘情愿，才不会太多后悔。

1st Car Servicing

From the day I collected my cab on 15/08/08, I went for my 1st vehicle servicing when the mileage hit above 2000km. Wow, in a week time, that shows I'm driving quite pretty much daily.

There was once I spotted a friend hailing for a cab on the street but I did not manage to take her cos I'm with a passenger. I wonder will I get a chance to bump into her in future. Actually I do hope so. There's no doubt I still missing her.

I'm going to relax during the day & work all the way tonight till the next morning.

Oh ya, I've got b/d party & family 'dim sum' to attend this wkend. Got to cover as much earning I can today...

Airport

Have been getting trips to airport almost daily. T1/T2/T3/BT...

T1: BT, Garuda Air- Medan, SQ- Brisbane, Melbourne.
T2: PL/PL, SQ- Hong Kong, Bangkok, Melbourne, Auckland, Taipei, London, Tokyo.
T3: SO- Hong Kong, Shanghai.
BT: NIL.

I met nice, generous passenger, also 'niao' passenger. I'm a helpful driver with smile on me all the time. Even when they call me 'Uncle'...

Wkend is coming... yeah... why am I so happy when I've got to work?

Still Drive, Drive, Drive

I'm still driving most of the time. Passing time, earning income, meeting(listening) interesting people... Tired but enjoying it.

My new working hour during weekday: 0700-1200hrs & 1700-2200hrs.

I like the idea that I'm working for myself. If I'm hardworking, I earn more, whatever extra after cost is mine. If I think I had enough for the day, I can just 'knock off', go home spend time with my family. Unlike last time when working in a company. As a management/executive staff, you are not entitle to any OT. But you are always required to work extra. If boss is good, at least you enjoy it, but when boss 'SXXXS', you just feel like asking him to 'FXXX OFF'.

Now, I don't need to answer to anybody. I just need to be responsible for myself.

Drive, Drive, Drive

15/08/08 1330hrs: I received my new cab. 1st passenger Aunt Runhua.

Than prayer.

15/08/08 2130hrs: My 1st charging passenger to Serangoon $6.50/-.

16/08/08 0530hrs: End of my 1st day driving.

Zzzzz

16/08/08: 1500hrs-2300hrs.

Dinner

17/08/08: 0000hrs-1600hrs.

17/08/08: 1430hrs-0000hrs

Home... dinner... blogging...

That's how I spent my wkend working. (Hardworking right?) But I feel happy, I enjoy it.

There was this passenger to Senja Rd(somewhere in Bt Panjang). Than I travel the road down to Bt Batok & this passenger boarded at Bt Gombak mrt station to Sci ctr Omni theater. If in the past, I will be totally lost in that area. But that day, I'm so glad that I know where to turn, a better way to travel around to get my passenger to his destination. All thanks to her. I used to go around that area visiting with her. She thought me the way around there. Not all, but I manage to learn some. So I'm not so phobia in going to the West/North West area.

Once again I felt so glad that I'm blessed becos she was once in my life.

Happy & Excited

I'm feeling happy today. I'm excited as well. Tomorrow I'll be collecting my cab SHA2168L. Saying bye to my idle, relax, lazy life. Welcoming my new working life.

Was taking a bus home just now, I knew after today I'll not be taking bus again in the near future. I'll miss the feeling of riding. I can sit back & relax, enjoy my journey by looking out the window, at other road user, at the scenery, or the commuters. It was quite a interesting things to do. You see all kind of peoples, behaviours. I remember my colleague L once told me he enjoy taking bus or mrt. I never know what he mean till now.

Sold some rubbish in the room to the garang guni. I'm a step nearer to my room revamp. But no matter how nicely I do up the room, once step outside, i... what a mess... Don't think I'll ever go back to stay for long term as long as that mum still there. Likely I'll treat it as a resting place, but not a staying place. 'sign'

Dream about Bite

Weird dream. She biting me.

She likes to bite me with or w/o reason. Sometimes you can be prepared about it coming or she'll catch you off guarded totally. Is sure painful, sometimes left you with bruises. Sometimes I do express my slight anger, but most of the time I'll just let her get it her way. That's my way of pampering her.

2007- She went APB, Tiger brewery at Tuas on the usual company outing. I went steamboat with colleagues while waiting for her to be done than as usual drive home together. My colleague P was with me as his place was along the way to my house. I fetch her from the semi-circle, from a distance I can see the redness on her after she drank (that's her trademark whenever she drink). When she get in the car, wow, I can smell the strong liquor smell on her.

P: Wow, the liquor smell very strong, drink alot? You drunk?
S: No, I'm fine. Is usual for me to be so red if I drink. hehehe...
L: You ok. Is it fun?
S: Ok lor...

We all chat a bit on the way while I was driving. From the way she talk to P, she seems ok. She can speak properly, answer well to P.
Than after P alighted from my car. Before I can even drive out the car park.

S: Dear Dear 我的头很晕。I want to go home & sleep...
L: Ok ok, we are going home now, reaching very soon ok. You close your eyes & take a rest 1st... you sure can pretend very well hor...oouch....

Before I can continue or finish my sentence, she bitten me twice on my left arm. She continue to make noise till we reach home. Than I settle her to sleep. Best part of all, she deny about biting me the next morning, even when I show her the bruise on my arm. I just smile at her. That's my 宝贝。

人生的起点与终点都是一样，只是追求之间的过程。
用感恩的心去面对和接受人生，人生才会感觉到比较富有。

掌心

Was flipping thru the photos. I saw this photo, her hand & palm. Also our little handsome feet.

2006- In the beginning of our relationship, so madly & deeply in love. We just want to be with each other all the time. But I'm on shift work as a SO. Sometimes I'm roster to work from 8pm-8am. Becos we wanted to be with each other so much that most of the the time during night shift, I will not be in office till after midnight. Is such a drag to send her home or leave her to go work in the night.

Than there was this day I was schedule to work night as usual. My plan was to fetch her after work, go for dinner & send her home, than I'll go work. But the plan is so difficult to work it out. Always when is time, suppose to go home, we just can't bear to part. Than upon reaching CCK, somewhere near her house, she brought me(direct me the way) to this park facing the big drain at the neighbourhood. A nice place with shelter & sits. With plant & flowers. We sat there to talk & enjoy the quietness, closeness of each other. We felt so happy to be together. We were talking, than I took her hand, holding her hand, playing with her fingers. She continue to talk, while I started to draw & write some words on her palm. She didn't realise it till I asked her suddenly what did I just write on her palm. She was shocked & caught unexpectedly. "Hah, what did you write?" Than I smile & write the 3 words again, telling her to say it out to me. Guess wat, she actually just said it out w/o 2nd thought than realise that she was being tricked to say the 3 words to me. Is too late to realise, I was laughing.

When I reach office, it was around 1plus am. Than I gave her a surprise by waiting downstair the block at 7am, fetching her to work. I still remember the surprise look on her face when she saw me after she came out from the lift. Of course not forgetting the smile on her face.

人常常去想失去的，却没有去想拥有的。

人活在世界肯定会遇到问题，困难。遇到问题，困难不去解决，那才是真正的问题。

人只要活在世上就有问题，就要有烦恼。最主要是你怎么面对它，处理它。和你的问题，烦恼做朋友，了解它。

Eunos CC- Badminton

Sitting at the bench, while waiting for my niece at the CC, I remember I came here with her & friends to play badminton.

After badminton I went Aquarius to swim. While waiting for bus at the bus stop to go home, looking at Bedok reservoir on the opposite side, I remember I was there with her, accompanying her to jog. Well, I can't jog, so I borrow bicycle from sis. She jog, I cycle.

人的快乐，并不是因为他拥有的多，而是因为他计较的少。
不计较就自在，能放下烦恼，才能快乐。
人生如不知足，就永远活在烦恼中。

懂得感恩的人找到“平静”
懂得知足的人找到“快乐”
懂得放下的人找到“自由”
懂得珍惜的人找到“幸福”
懂得关怀的人找到“朋友”

学做一个人，学明一点理，学悟一点缘，学懂一颗心。
学会满足，才会心满意足。
不懂的满足，就是不了解幸福。

输了不等于零，最重要的是赢得了一个过程。

I went home to tidy & clean my room. Not becos I have gotten over her. There's not a single day that I don't miss her. But life got to go on. Becos I miss her, I thank God that I once had her in my life to shower me with love & happiness. Given me the memories in my life, in my heart to remember her.

Running away from reality is not going to solve the problem.
Avoiding it doesn't make my life easier.
Only when I can face it, handle it, deal with it, than my life can go on.

National Day & Fire Work

Last year, we were with friends dinner at Far East Shopping Centre, than we proceed to Mandarin hotel 'Top of the M" to have a drink & watch the fire work as well. I remember we took photos & video, but I don't know where is it now.

This year, I was with family at home watching NDP on TV, than order pizza for dinner, of course not forgetting the fire work. I'm also proud to be a Singaporean.

I've watch the most fire works with her when we are together. But the best I've ever seen was during CNY 2002 in HK, with another her P. Still remember on the roof of the hotel, by the swimming pool, winter night.

I remember lots of thing with them. Wonderful memories. Unforgetable moments. I treasure all these experience with them, so I will not forget them.

What ever you do, where ever you are, I wish you all the best. Happy National Day. Enjoy...

这个世界没有一个人会毫无理由，故意去伤害他爱的人。

Proud

You watch the Beijing Olympic 2008 Grand opening ceremony?
Ya, I did. (speechless) China & Chinese are incredible nation & people.

I'm so proud that I'm a Chinese... maybe not totally of pure 100% chinese blood... I'm so glad that I had most of the chinese blood flowing in my body, in my family, in my generation. (if you don't know what I'm trying to say, go watch the ceremony, you will sure understand).
I knew some friend seems ashame of them being a Chinese. They try to act or look like they are "Ang Moh". If they really can't pass off as "ang moh", they will try to be mixed- A Eurasian. Than when above all failed, they will become "ABC/BBC/EBC". They want to be any "C" except for being "CBC" China born Chinese.
Whenever I'm being asked whether am I a chinese or not, I tell them proudly I'm a Chinese. Only to explain or elaborate when they said I don't really look like one.

I once had a Malaysian Chinese friend N, this is what happened:
L: Let me introduce, my friend/colleague, N. This is my best friend, D"
D to N: Hi, nice to meet you.
N to D: Hallo...
Than D & N started to chat for a bit before dinner start.
After dinner, after N left, D stayed back to continue to have a drink with me.
D: You had a very 'funny' & 'cute' friend.
L: Why you say so.
D: Whether you are local or not we can tell when the person speak or thru action.
I nodded my head in agreement, sipping my drink at the same time.
D: I guess N was a Malaysian, but i just want to confirm it. So I asked N you are not a local right?
N: Oh, I'm a foreigner. (I was choked & spit out the drink I just drank, starting to laugh out loud)
D: Ok, so where are you from? (D was trying to be naughty)
N: I left my country to work here many years ago...
D: Which country? (D is not going to give up)
N: (Reluctantly & soft & quick) malaysia.
D: oic...
L: (Still laughing) Ya, N is a foreigner, N is not lying...
D: I just want to disturb N...
We laugh... hahaha

选择

I read about this:

在对的时间，遇见对的人，是一种幸福。
在对的时间，遇见错的人，是一种无奈。
在错的时间，遇见对的人，是一种悲伤。
在错的时间，遇见错的人，是一种折磨。

如果你不爱一个人，请放手，好让别人有机会爱他。
如果你爱的人放弃了你，请放开自己，好让自己有机会爱别人。
有的东西你再喜欢也不会属于你。
有的东西你再留恋也注定要放弃。
对别人好，要对自己更好。

我体会到了，明白了。

我们的眼泪，曾经让对方痛彻心扉，也让对方大彻大悟。
曾经，我用眼泪来思念他。
现在，想到他，我脸上会有笑容。
我不要用眼泪流着他在心中。
我会用笑容去祝福他，希望他快乐。
要让自己继续活在悲伤当中，还是决定走出来，迎接新生活与快乐？
选择是自己的：眼泪或笑容，悲伤或快乐。

人生不须等到生活完美无缺，才懂得享受生命中最美好的。
人生不必等到生活完美无瑕，才懂得享受生命中最甜美的。
要知足才会有长乐。

Ruldolf

7:20am: I heard *him choking, burp than 'woo..orp...' he vomitted on the bed, inches away from where i'm lying. A lump of disgusting brown object...'yack'

7:30am: I came out of the room after clearing up the mess he created, totally awake. wondering when was the last time i woke up so early... can't remember... but i remember if we need to work, she'll be awake at this hour if staying at my place. She'll be out of the house if she's at CCK.

The thought of her always left a smile on my face. Not much of the sorrow & sorry feeling of losing her, but more of the gladness that I once have her & her love in my life. At least better than nothing. I'm thankful that she had given me lots of happy memories to remember day to day.

*Him= Ruldolf, the one in the pic.

Gene

It seems like is running in the gene of the family. my family people tends to give up easily. early morning i was awake by 4th sis call. *mum was staying at her place but she suddenly refuse to eat or drink much since sunday morning till now. than our younger sis attempted suicide by cutting her wrist last night. fortunately she was discovered by her son, than 2nd sis rushed her to hospital & save her in time(我们廖家人的命都很硬噢）. so i drop by to visit mum. mum was saying words showing sign of depress. i feel weird i had to say words of concern & encouragement towards mum cos i'm not close to her, in fact very distance about her.
Than i went to swim. what a nice, good, weather to relax. Putting everything behind, not to think about it for a moment, just concentrate on my laps.
I told my therapist i'm not going to avoid facing my fear, my lost. I will face everything that remind me of her. Becos i need to know, i need to learn how to face it, handle it & overcome it. only when i can face it & control it, than i'm going towards the direction of recovering. or else what's going to happen if i've got no choice but to face everything that remind me of her... allow myself to crash again? no. if i can lead a life being able to sleep & eat well, feeling ok even when i think of her & the past, than i have succeed. so far, i'm so good.
*mum= biological mum, not that woman.

Soup

I'm not a soup person since young. Grandma always said i'm a person w/o 人情味cos i don't drink soup. Don't understand why soup & 人情味will link together? Now i started to drink soup, i don't know whether it may me a person with more 人情味or not, but it certainly make me feel better cos I'm drinking home cook soup. Aunt will tends to cook soup during weekend. whenever i take the soup, it gave me the feeling of home, the warmth of a family. Aunt, thank you.
If i'm still staying at ubi, with *that woman, i don't think i'll ever feel this way...'HOME'. Than I remember when S still around, occassionally she will cook some soup, herbal soup for me or us.
I remember there's once when we are watching this tv show, than there is this dish showing on tv, she told me happily & excitedly-
S: "I know how to cook it".
L: "sure or not, than you cook for me one of this day ok".
S: "can but i don't know it taste good or not cos i never cook before".
L: "but i thought you just told me you know how to cook it, than how come you never cook before????".
S: "I know how to cook as in I saw the person show how to cook it on tv before, so i know how to cook lor".
L: "orh.........ok......"
That was my 宝贝。:p
I miss her & her sense of humour.

*That woman= mum, not her S.

Chinese 7th month

Today 1st day of "Ghost Month". went home to pray just like the past 2yrs. To ask for peace & protection during this month. 农历七月，祈求“好兄弟”保佑家人与朋友，自己，平平安安，顺顺顺利利，身体健康。Not that i'm superstitious, just want to have a peace of mind. I'm not so worried about myself, but more for the people surrounding me.

I meet up with 4th bro for dinner. the last time i saw him & dinner with him was at our niece wedding dinner jan 2007. i almost couldn't recognise my bro cos he's botak. i mean really clean shave head. can see the shine on the head. i wanted to ask him whether he polish his head or not? than he told me he shave it becos he's dropping hair. i think this is one of the 男人痛, betther don't ask such sensitive question. when i went home, i look at myself in the mirror, i look ok from the front, from the top, but... the back... 'sign'... see for it yourself.