Revamp...

My room: Clean it, paint it, refurnish it.
My life: Just like my blog title= Waking up, growing up & moving on.


From total lost, I'm finding my pace in life back slowly again. Enjoy life being alone. Enjoy my work. Enjoy when out with friends eating or drinking. Enjoy my sleep after a tired day. Enjoy the serenity when I'm not doing anything & within myself.


I am going to be very busy next few days. Shifting back home, packing & unpacking. I'm so glad Shan was there to help. Is going to be a very cosy place & I'm sure she will enjoy coming my place to accompany me when we are free. Not forgetting E.

When we are clearing stuff in the room, so many things from past surface from no where. Some was funny, some was amazing, some was stupid, some was sad. But most of it brought back happy memory. I don't know why I kept it for so many years. So I make the decision to discard it since I'm really going to start my life new. They are in my memory, I don't need anything to remind me of those past. I really need more room space to be exact.

I believe in Karma. 命里有时终须有，命中无时莫强求. Use your heart & treat people with sincerity, you will never be lonely.

Old Man & Young Man

Old man: age 50 (+/- 5)
Young man: age 20 (+/- 2)

1st impression: I thought they are father & son. They are not local. Father came to visit the son who is studying here. Father love the son very much. I saw him kissing the boy on the cheek.

Than the conversation don't seem right.

Old man: You've got small hand. Your hand is so small like a small boy hand. (I'm wondering are they holding hand)

Old man: If your parent want to send you oversea, don't go Pxxth.......... (continue his point of view).... anyway is not me who is paying for it, is your dad & mum, I'm just sharing my point of view with you.

That's when I realise they are not father & son. Than why is he kissing the boy & the boy allow it.

Upon reaaching the SxM, I saw old man kissed the boy again on his shoulder. I took a good look after they alighted. Old man was wearing red t-shirt with jeans & green color track shoe. Young boy was actually quite good looking.

??? What's going on between them?

My back start to ache quite badly recently. I remember S used to have such problem. I can fully understand how she felt in the past. I remember I used to massage for her as well & the funny noise she will make.

Hopefully by next weekend I'll be back to my new room. A new room, a new start. Actually I already started it new some time back. Just keep moving ahead only. Like my drink JW black slogan: Keep walking hahaha...

Roller Coaster Again

Remember there was once Korean passenger going SMC.

Korean: Can you take me to Swissotel...(abt 10sec)... Stamford.
My heart wave like roller coster.

Today the same incident happened again. Is Korean passenger again.

Korean: Can you take me to Swissotel.
Me: Swissotel...
Korean: Ya Swissotel... Oh Stamford.

My heart wave gone thru the roller coaster feeling again but not as strong as the last time.

I always believe in facing my fear, my phobia, my weakest link. When you face it, you will learn to overcome it, or even immune to it. Than it will no longer be a problem anymore. That's why I also decide to go home, back to the room.

Had a good time drinking with friends last night after a week of no drinking. I miss "my lover" so much. We all had a very enjoyable night. Than good sleep after the drink.

Words of Comfort & Encouragement

That's what's keeping me going strong & fine. You had no idea how important those words mean to me & I really appreciate it so much. Especially from you- J. Thanks.

I know you are someone who don't sweet talk, said only nice thing to people. You are a person with character & principle. So I know I'm heading the right path. I believe in fate. To meet or not, to be friend or not, let fate decide. As far as I know, I'm concern now, I want everybody to be happy. I want you to be happy as well. I can see that you are happy.

The night soul is going to start work later. We plan to clear & clean the room tonight. Than next Sunday we'll paint the room. Can start shopping for furniture anytime next week & arrange for delivery the week after next. I tried doing it alone this afternoon, but I felt so tired. I'm still more energetic in the night but not too late night... haiz... I'm old.

I Wish I'm Home... ASAP

Think I'm going to get it done by month end instead 1 month. Once I paint the room, new floor mat done, I can be back. Yeah..... As for the furniture, can wait lah... Home sweet home, no is room sweet room.

My therapist is saying I'm progressing well. She's happy for me. But will monitor my drinking habit.

Should I write a mail to ET?

This is what happen: I called her once at late night. She was worried after receiving my call. Suspecting I'm not feeling ok again. Maybe I'll start disturbing people again.
I was feeling kind of down & sad at that moment when I called her. Just feel like talking to someone but had no idea who to call. Than ET came to my mind. She had a calming effect on me. I know when she treats you like a friend, she's really wonderful. That's how she make me feel. Not like some people, so fake & scheming.
I really felt sorry for causing unnucessary worried towards her. So I was thinking of dropping her a mail. What do you think?(You should also know who you are hor my friend. Give me some advice) hahaha

I'm Fine

Don't worried, I'm feeling fine. I just want my friends, those who care for me to know how am I taking it now.

Maybe I'm feeling a little bit down, a little bit affected by it, a little bit upset by it, but overall I'm taking it fine. They make me stronger & a better person. I'm not going to or let my emotion carry me away too much.

You beat me once, doesn't mean I'll keep losing. Time can prove or tell whether I am a loser or winner. Time can even prove or tell whether I have changed for a better or worst. Come to think about it, when I stand up from the failure, I actually became a winner.

To my friends: You have seen me up & down, good & bad, positive & negative. There was a time that you were not there because I'm not thinking right, behaving right. Right now I'm glad that you are back. I'm sure you are happy for me because I'm walking out of the shadow & darkness. I'm not a loner, I will not be lonely now when I don't feel good cause I know I have you, my friend, as long as I'm walking the right path ahead. You will be with me. Likewise I'll do the same for you. I'll be there for you whenever you need me.

Is time to go for my appointment again. EL was so sweet. She knew I had missed my last appointment due to being forgetful & so engross in my work. She wrote a note & placed it in my cab door handle yesterday. So everytime when I open or close the door, even when I'm driving, this note will remind me of my appointment. She will give me a morning call to make sure I make it for the appointment tomorrow. Thanks.

As for J, get well soon. Don't worried, I'm ok. How can I not be ok when you are there for me. You so "wang" me heeheehee... Thanks, for the advice at times when I'm not sure what to do.

I'm going to be very busy next few weeks.

Drinking...

I think I've been drinking too often & too much for the past 1 week. My knee is aching, I'm feeling kind of little down. Is time to stop & take a break from alcohol till maybe next week.

Sometimes is not about drinking, I just want to have some companionship.

My niece is not looking forward to her b/d, I wonder why? Than I remember last year she celebrated at Good Cheer, her 18, I was still with S. My cousin was not feeling good that night. This year, S is not around anymore, so I guess I'm not feeling good but my cousin is happy now. Who knows, maybe next year, we both are happy hahaha...

Is weekend, is time for me to stay sober, so I can drive those drunk home & charge them(plus midnight 50% is the best).

I'm not going to let anybody to have the chance to bad mouth me anymore nor take advantage of my weakness to act tough. I admit & agreed that what I've done was a mistake. Because of anger, pride, ego, I have lost my mind. Because I love her, I'm afraid to lose her. Because she's so important to me, that I value her more than my own life. Eventually I made all the mistake while trying to keep her by my side. Come to think about it I was really acting very immature at that time. But when I'm with friends, when they are in trouble, whether it involve me or not, I will never lost control. So the conclusion is I'm a better friend than a partner.

Now I still have my ego & pride but not anger anymore. Because of the ego & pride, I am who I am now. The force is keeping me cool & calm because I keep reminding myself, don't disgrace myself again. Don't give others the chance to criticize you again. Never let people look down on you because you are so weak. No ways I'll give you the opportunity to take advantage of me or situation if I, when I make a mistake. Wait long, long.

Ego & pride is a good thing. But never plus anger. Worst if you mix it with alcohol. Anger + alcohol = Total destruction.

I make mistake before doesn't mean I'll continue the mistake for the rest of my life. But I can't guarantee that I'll not make mistake again. We are just human being, we are not perfect, we can't be perfect. But I know, I can guarantee I'll not repeat the same mistake again.

Whoever you are, whatever role you play(friend or "friend") during the time when I make a mistake, when I was weak. Thank you. I am who I am now because of you. I just need time, & I can, I'll definitely be a better person, having a better life.

Another Bad dream, Worst, Nightmare...

I woke up feeling lousy, kind of depress, sad, lost... Than I go to work. It was a rainny day, so business was ok. Moreover I've got to stop early to have dinner with my brother at Sis place.

My brother going for oversea posting tomorrow. Will be back 3 months later, than if he feels ok about it he will be there for another year. He told me there still vacancies in the company, do i want to join him. I told him to tell me more when he's back & I'll decide. Right now, concentrate on driving my taxi 1st.

I can feel the effect of alcohol reacting in my body on the negative way. Think I'm drinking too much already. Must cut down or control the intake. My knee is aching, I'm feeling a bit down. But I just don't feel like going back early, do nothing & watch TV. Of course I can keep driving, bringing more income, but is the emptiness & loneliness that I can't bear. I'm still going back to nobody after a tired day of work. I must learn to cope with it.

I wanted to call her badly, but I know I can't. I just don't want, or can't bear to frighten her again.

I have this silly thought, maybe she will only see me again when I'm very sick. Than I wish I'm sick. Hahaha...

2 Good & 1 Bad= Still a Dream

Went drinking w EL, we finish half the bottle of JW black. What can be better than spending a pleasant time with friend, having drinks. A total K.O when home.

But I had dreams. All disrupted by phone calls in the end. Still... at least I have been sleeping.

Maintaining my IQ & EQ well now a days.

I still don't believe in avoiding or running away from things(eg phobia, weakest link, fear). I choose to face it & learn how to control or handle it. I'll never be a loser nor weakling anymore.

Fatso

A oncall passenger alighted at Novena 2, than this fatso boarded just round the corner going AxK st41. Before he got down I saw him pick up a hp from the seat, thought he drop it. Than got a call from CS next morning, passenger alighted at N2 left the hp behind. Told her I found nothing after work. Felt sorry for the gentleman. If I have spotted it, he will be able to get it back. Just his luck.