Last day of 2008

Started it bad, but the ending seems good. Is getting better each day. It will be a good year next year.

I was at the bottom, the end of the world when she left. I've been thru time like in hell, with no sense of direction, goal & meaning of life. I lost my pride, my confidence, my stability, lost control even of myself, or I should said I don't bother. I'm there to destroy myself & her. Than when is time to wake up. I stand up, stand firm, stand strong than nobody expected it to be so soon. Well you just need to turn all negative field to positive energy.

Revamp my life, my living space, my job.

Few friends to thank: DS, JW, HP, BT, JT, ET, EL.
Of course not forgetting my family members.
Those visited me when I'm not well.
Without all these people, I won't be where I am now. I love you all.

You are the reason I'm strong & well now. For everybody who cares, I will be good, I will live well. I really cherish what I have now.

Happy New Year to everybody I know, Have a Good Year Ahead.

25/12/2008 X'mas

A better tomorrow, a better coming year.

放开是真功夫，看开是真智慧。

Merry X'Mas & Happy Birthday

Ya I'm 36 today. Feel good, look good, live good. Thanks.

This is the gift exchange present I've got during B hse party. A nice choc fondue set. Am going to try using it soon. We had a good time. Friends gathered around to talk, eat, drink, than some mj, 1 do face mask, some watch tv. Oh not forgetting baby Aldrich= 小老鼠，while me the 老老鼠.

I'm qutie at ease with my day. No expection, no disappointment, no unhappiness. I'm happy with my present. Well wishes from friends. B- Thanks for the party invitation. Is a cozy night.

Now I will laze around for a bit than decide. Is b/d, no working ok.

Lost & found/Gained

There are some friends, I once lost them, but have found them back again.
There are some friendship, I once lost them, but have gained them back again.

I went dinner with both E. We chatted. I'm glad that I'm able to tell her, to show her how good, how well I am progressing. Most important of all, I have another friend again.

But I did not manage to say I'm sorry for the past. I did not say thanks to her for the past as well. But I know I'll have the chance to do so in future.

Thanks for the chance, for the friendship again.

I'll be happy on my b/d even if I'm alone cos I know I have so many friends in my life now.
I have the greatest gift of my life- Friendship.
I don't have any expectation, than when all the good things happen, is a plus, bonus.

BBQ

We had a bbq, it was E b/d as well. As for me, an early & pre-celebration cos I know on my b/d, all my friends here will be busy having their own program. Well who ask me to be born on X'mas day.

I used to have lots of expectation on my b/d cos is a special day. If I'm attach, I want my gf to be by my side, I expect her to be by my side. Also becos my ex-es spoilt & pampered me in the past. So last year when she actually had other plan with friends & colleagues w/o me, I was so angry, so unhappy. We had a row, we quarrel over it. What it suppose to be a festive season & happy occassion turns ugly. Becos of expectation towards a partner.

This year, in the beginning, I did not think or believe I'll be happy on my b/d cos she's gone. But than this few months down the road, I'm a happier person even if I'm alone. Becos I have no more expectation on anybody. If I've got no program, I'll either work or stay home to rest. If I'm invited to friends party, than is a plus.

The bbq was such enjoyable moment for everybody. The poolside ambience was good. Eat, drink, talk. What can be better than it? Thanks for everybody who attended it. You have given E & I a very pleasant, happy & fun night. Cheers to all friends.

Photos

C sent me the photos. I forwarded it to S as well. It was taken in July 2007. Now all 3 had taken a different path in life. J is with God now. S I don't know. L, life had never been better.

Saw the smile on S face. I never realise that it was so sweet at that time.

Saw the chubby face on L. I never knew I was so fat. I look much better now. Slim down but healthy.

Saw J smile. I need to try to remember it cos I'll never see it again.

I thank God for everything that had happened, the people that comes & go in my life. I believe they happen for a reason.

Fight like a Warrior, Not a Lunatic

Have been lazy lately.

A monthly appointment with my therapist today. She's please with my progress. I'm doing well, doing fine. Living a wonderful life. Enjoying my days.

On J b/d. Met some old friends. Have such good, fun time drinking together. I'm not the least affected by the fact that S was not there becos of me. I/we don't lose out anything. I/We have fun with or w/o her.

Past: Everytime when it rain, I worried for S. Is she drench? Is she cold? How she get from place to place.
Now: I already forgotten to worry for S. Whenever it rain, I only think of where can I go to get more pick up or oncall.

I'm glad with how am I progressing. I'm proud of how I carried myself in front of people. Few months back, I still worried how am I going to face X'mas & my b/d. I don't think I'll be happy. But right now, I know, even if I'm w/o any program, I'll still be happy. Well, I have plans. Good Cheer. Than NY count down, I plan to fly HK,meet friends there & celebrate but still not confirm.

I'm living a better & happier life now. I'm fighting like a warrior, not a lunatic. I treasure my friends very much now. I once lost them when I lost myself. They left me alone when I acted like a lunatic. But they are with me, by my side now becos I'm a warrior. I fight my fear, my weakness like a warrior. I've been thru the darkest moment in my life, so I enjoy & treasure the lights & colours in my life now. Is not easy to come by, to achieve.

Friends, thanks a lot.

I'm reborn at 36. Is not too late. I have taken a big step ahead. I chose to walk out from darkness, from fear, from weakness. I chose to be happy, cherish what I have now. Even when I'm alone, I chose to retreat to my cosy corner & enjoy the serenity I have. Don't believe me, come take a look at my room, you will understand.