Is Not A Game...

That's what she told/said to me... I'm speechless...

I tried/attempted to stop this "game", but... I swear I'll not mention it to her again for the time being.

Than I try to find fault at her... I surrender in the end...

就像她所说的：你死定了。。。

被爱是幸福？

My status is changing from single to... ... attach... ... but I'm still not giving her any commitment & promise. I still keep my pact of we'll talk about it 3mths later. She's giving me lots of attention lately. When I needed those affection attention from my past relationship, didn't quite get it from her, but now I'm not expecting anything from anybody, I'm getting it without the need to ask from her.

My greatest barrier still the age gap. She's so young, I know her feeling will change as she grow. So should I just enjoy this moment of companionship? Let nature take its course... That's the reason I keep my feeling within control. History will not repeat again. This is a promise I gave to all friends & family member, to all those who care for me, who had been with me, supported me all these while. I am not going to fail or disappoint them again or anymore.

In the past, I prostrate a very good image during the beginning when we are together. I hide dark side from them. But this time, I was slowly telling her things from my past. I want her to know the real me. Not only the good side of me, but the weak & ugly side of me as well. I can't control how she feel for me, but I am slowing down.

No doubt I'm enjoying her affectionate attention. I can see from her face, her eyes that she's happy, she's enjoying giving me the attention. I don't want ot think too much at this moment.

Playful Mode = Playing With Fire

Have I went overboard this time? I don't want to get hurt neither do I want to hurt others. So I choose to be playful. I'm still not ready for a relationship, I do not want to give commitment, I don't want any promise. I keep feeling within control... But what if she's serious, will I be misleading her or hurting her when things doesn't turn out the way she wants it to be.

Didn't realise that S had such impact on my life that change me so much. Well keeping my feeling in control, in a very relax & playful mode. Becos I know my weakness now, I tackle it carefully when it involve feelings. But it also seems like I'm playing with fire or explosive, not me but the other party... Hahaha... But no doubt is very fun to be in a game...

Is all my ego & hunting instinct at fault.

CNY

Have been drinking almost this whole week. But I enjoy each & every day. I meet up with family & friends. S, thanks you. You have suffered a lot in order for me to gain back such life. But is a pity that we can't meet up with common friends to have fun together. Well, I wish you all the best.

Than I'm back to my playful & nonsense me. I know I'm not a person suitable for relationship cos I tends to commit too much. I'd prefer to keep my feeling in control so that I don't get too dependent, too attach to a person. Maintain a certain level of freedom, distance, that will be fine for me. We can't change the history, the fact that things had happened, but we can certainly keep our future in control. Our future is for us to create.

男人不坏，女人不爱。Think is quite true. But don't go overboard being bad.